Merging of the Blogs

I have been doing a lot of thinking.  A lot of brain-work in terms of aligning my passion, my values and focusing on my Unique Ability ( a great read by the way - thanks Alynn Anglin for recommending).  In doing this I have realized that I need to focus on where my heart truly lies - that is in leadership development.

I started the Solstice Life blog with the intention of keeping focus on the everyday things in life that cause us to take action, take notice or even take a step away.  In my reflection, I have found that this blog - Solstice Life - still really captures personal leadership and should be combined with Leadership Solstice.

Leadership is nothing if it is not personal.  Leadership takes the personal and makes you outwardly project your authenticity, your values, you mission and your vision.  You cannot have a personal leadership plan and a professional one - at some point they must merge.  And this is my point.  I will be merging this blog with Leadership Solstice.  Please visit me there, follow my feed and comment.  I have loved being connected here, and will continue to serve you there.

Here is the link:  http://leadershipsolstice.blogspot.com .  Looking forward to new connections as you spread the word.

I will show some of the more interesting blogposts there as well.

Balancing the Equinox

The Equinox happened on September 23rd at 9:04 am.  That was the exact time where the sun was aligned with the equator.  Think about your alignment.  Think about how you balance yourself - the earth and the planets do - the universe is all about balance.  How do you find your balance?

When I think of alignment, I think of living life authentically, aligned to my values.  This means balancing work and family, health & home, heart & mind.  Not easy, an always a progression towards improvement.  With each stage of our life, this balance can actually flex and change.  For example, when the kids were smaller, they needed more of my time so something else had to have less of my time.  Now that has changed and I am able to place more time on other things as the kids have learned to use their time differently as well.

Part of alignment is presence - living the moments you have when you have them.  Choosing to do what you do because you enjoy it - whether it is work or play, and not feeling guilty for either.

Once the equinox is complete, literally in hours, the sun and the earth keep moving.  It actually takes 33 hours for the sun to completely cross the equator (thanks Wikipedia).  What I found most interesting in researching this universal phenomenon was that for the poles (north and south) this is the moment that light transitions from 24 hours of nighttime to 24 hours of daylight.  What a profound statement. Imagine being always in the light or always in the dark? What would you do?  How would that feel? 

Think about your life.  Your equinox.  Your alignment and your balance.  What changes can you make to become more aligned to your light, your values?  Not an easy question, not an easy task, but a liberating one, to say the least.

Anniversaries

This week we celebrate our wedding anniversary. We get to look back on our lives together and look to the future and what is coming our way next.  We are not at a huge milestone, but proud of the fact that we have made it this far and have accomplished so much.

Thinking about the year ahead in our family, there are many milestones headed our way - new babies, 75th birthdays, 50th Wedding Anniversaries, 70th birthdays and another 50th birthday on its way.

We love to celebrate - especially the big things because it is an opportunity to put the special people in our lives in the same room for a different reason that the usual holidays where we get together.  We can even expand beyond the usual crowd and invite those that we see infrequently.

The planning, the excitement, the photos, the memories - all waiting to be had.  And what fun - to see the looks on people's faces, to see and feel the hugs, see tears of joy and happiness and create memories together....what else is life about?

Tell me how you celebrate those special milestones......send images, ideas...I would love to share!

Good Vs Not So Good

There have been a rash of athletes who have taken their own lives in the last few months of Summer.  Some reporters have speculated that this can partly be blamed on the constant pressure to perform at optimal levels and also the fact that the fans refuse to accept anything other than an amazing effort all the time.

The fan question leads back to the idea that we are (I am probably) in the last generation where it was ok to fail, because you learned a lesson.  We actually kept score in sports, and only the winners at the track meet got a ribbon, not everyone - just for participating!

Listening to the tragedies, I started to think about the people in my life and my interactions with them.  Not only my kids and my husband, but also my family, my colleagues and my clients.  How honest am I about their performance?  Do I make sure they understand that they have to try and even if they fail they will learn something and be alright?  Do I make it clear that not trying does not make them a superstar, but working hard will make them better than they are today?  Do I hold them and myself accountable for their/my actions?

It's a wake-up call - do we live in silos or do we see what is going on around us?  Are we sure that we are making good decisions not just right decisions?  It is tough to be a kid these days if everyday you are 'so awesome' and when you get to University or College, you have so much competition due to sheer numbers that you can't all be 'so awesome'!  We need to prepare our kids for the future - the real world, where you are told no, you are told 'not good enough', you are told 'fix it' - all without the why's and how's (unfortunately).

I think about my clients especially - do I make sure they understand how to resolve their issues and build solid platforms for problem-solving?  Am I letting them get away with their 'awesomeness' without pushing them beyond their comfort zone? 

It's a lot...I know....heavy for a late Summer day.....but thoughts that need to be explored nonetheless.  What do you think?  How do you make sure you hold yourself accountable to raising well-adjusted kids, clients & colleagues?

Back to School

So the day has arrived (and that is why I am posting today instead of yesterday!). It is the first day of the school year here in our area.  My youngest son is off to his first day of High School.  He looked prepared, all dressed up in his white polo shirt and grey flannels, ready to tackle the new world awaiting him.

For the last 2 years I have driven him to school every morning.  That time from 8 - 8:40 am was our time - talking, joking, listening to the radio, getting breakfast and lunch together.  Now our time is from 6:45 am - 7:15 am before he has to leave for the bus stop just 2 blocks down the street....and I watched him walk to it from our dining room window.

He amazes me.  He is staying after school today (on the first day) to attend football practice.  He couldn't sleep at all last night - and neither could I....his big brother (moving on to his own new life) promised him that everything would go well as school today and if there were any issues from the older kids, that he would be happy to text them and remind them whose brother he is...sweet, right?

All this change - even though it is going back to routine is quite nerve-wracking - yes, even for me.  At the end of it all, I am a mom, who only wants her kids to do well, have fun and enjoy every moment of their lives...and I still want to be a fly on the wall while they do it. I know in my heart this is not possible and that I have to let them be themselves and here is the clincher:  when my youngest went to bed last night we talked about playing football - I wished him all the best times and fun he could find and I promised that I would come watch his games.  His only question was "will you film my games?  you never know, this could be a way for me to get into University".  Of course, I will film every game...that is my baby after all.  No pressure from this end, play and have fun...learn about leadership, teamwork and the sport.  If it leads somewhere great, if not, every second of the experience will build a stronger adult.

How is your first day of school going?  I must apologize for the rambling - my boys have been with me all summer and I think I am suffering separation anxiety!

Fear Not the Challenge

This month will be one of challenges.  I have challenged myself to improve a few areas of my life - like most people do, except this time I have done it a little differently:
Challenges:

1. Get into the physical shape I know I can be in and feel best at.
2. Focus on developing 3 key parts of my business (they all intertwine)

What am I doing differently (because this sounds like the same old, same old)

• I have enlisted in the help of my support system - letting them know what I am doing and how so that they can encourage me instead of undermine (albiet unknowingly) my steps
• Changed the order in which I get things done a la 'Eat That Frog'
• Squeezed my time so that I can provide more dedicated focus to the 2 challenges - and they are on my calendar everyday!

Why did I make these changes?  After a lot of consideration, I realized the only thing holding me back was me. 


What challenge are you going to face (again) and actually eliminate?

The Lazy Song

I just love this song and the fact that Bruno Mars would go out on a limb and create such fun music.  His talent is very cool - he stretches in new directions.  Today - too many pop stars and musicians play the same song over again with a few different lines - quite boring and I turn them off, refuse to download (even if they are the most donwloaded singer ever!).
How about you?  Do you put on a silly face and get funky, have some fun, be creative and do things that are not your regular mix?  Why not?!
Make me a promise, after you watch the video for inspiration, you will go do something out of the ordinary!

Measure Everything

Are you one of those people who measures everything?  Follows the recipe exactly...never tweaks or tries it in a different way?  That is pretty rigid.  I have a tough time with all that order.  I like to experiment with new things, test, try, tweak.  It doesn't always work but the road was interesting.
Come on...it's the lazy days of summer - try something new!  You don't need to measure everything against something else (well, unless your job depends on it...I get financial metrics and all that - I don't tweak those very often!)
Here are a few examples:
.....I make the choice on which events to attend based on my needs/objectives, not just because everyone else is going
....my kids ask me for my crock-pot ribs and they never come out the same twice - I kind of wing it with the sauces
....decorating my house is with what I like and the textures/feelings that appeal to me...not what the magazines say
...I develop my relationships based on the alignment of values and not on the fact that I should have a deep relationship with someone because we are actually related

So try it.  Stop measuring everything!  It makes life easier....and life will be more fun if you stop doling it out of a measuring cup!

The Book of Awesome

    Think about the things in life that happen and that sail right by us.  If you have a chance to pick up some light summer reading, check out The Book of Awesome.  It will make you take a quick time out to appreciate what is happening around you, even small objects and ideas or words and why they are awesome.  It is a fabulous approach to life!

Listening is Hard

You need to change.  You need to do something different to get out of your rut.  You are not sure what to do, yet, you know it's something.  So you start to look around and see what everyone else is doing.
You start considering  - will this work for me?  Will I like this?  What's in it for me?
Just like listening to a lecture or being in the classroom or boardroom, we choose to listen with the ME in the way.  This is wasting MY time.  This is a pain in MY xuwqgr###.  This is not helping ME at all.
Next time you start to do this pause. 
Count to 10 (or spin around 3 times, that's what I do with my nephew when I want him to adjust his attitude- we physically adjust it).
Now, put yourself on your own shoulder and listen without the ME - listen with an open heart and open mind.  Hear the words and not interpret the intention.  Listen and give credit to the voice.  You may find that way out of your rut.  You may something that interests you.  You may find that change you are looking for simply by listening.

The Step Relationship

I have written about this relationship before because it has had a profound effect on my family.  Not only do my kids have a step-dad with whom they live, they also have a step-mom (they never see because they live across the country).  These types of relationships can be hard to handle if there is not an open dialogue and communication where people feel safe to discuss life.  We have been through many...there is another bog for that!  But though our experience is as unique as we are, there are some similar threads that will run through most situations.

I was asked recently by a friend who is getting married, how the 'step' relationship works.  I asked my husband - the step-dad - to answer.
He said a few great things:

• always have time together with the kids, this way they learn about your trust and relationship and see that interaction is easy
• as the 'step' he is not responsible for discipline - that is my job. It is too much pressure for the start of a new type of relationship to be the disciplinarian too - it sends mixed messages.  (Now that this relationship is in its 10th year, there have been some changes in this, but not much....discipline is deferred to me, although he always gets his say in the process)
• kids are smart!  No matter what age, they realize that this is new and that there is insecurity and they may even try to pit you against each other.  Take the moment and discuss the matter in private before handling it together with the child.

I thought this was good information coming from experience.  Hope that it helps my friend (and You) navigate these somewhat trecherous waters.

Peace of Heaven

Here is what summer looked like in our old home in Burlington Ontario.  We lived on a fabulous green-space with a great pool that we loved.  Even though we had a road close by, we thought of our back yard as a our little heaven.

Two years ago, we moved due to a job change.  We ended up moving close to our families and bought a house with another pool.  This time, there is no road nearby and we have both 'peace' and 'heaven'.

When all the disctractions of life and family and siblings comes into play, we have our place to escape - our own backyard - with a little garden (I am growing corn this year), the pool, of course, a fire-pit for late nite entertaining.....and it's all on an 'if-we-want-to' basis. 

When we lived away from the family, they would come to visit on the weekends - the house and the pool full pretty well every weekend in the summer.  That was fun!  During the week, my husband and I would find our 'peace' after work - with dinner and a glass of wine on the deck, a nice swim and great conversation - sometimes just us, many times with other friends that would pop in.  But it was peaceful.  And we found our time to connect and talk and grow together.  This was probably the best time to form our deep bonds and create the foundation for the relationship and life we live today.

Now, with family so close, I tried to replicate the weekends when we lived far away.  This was a huge mistake!  I felt exhausted and unappreciated.  So did my husband.  Now, we have gone back to the focus on our family and our space.  Sure, we participate in family events.  We also host events with our friends and even colleauges - to a different effect and a different result.  Things change - but peace and our heaven will not.

Reaction - the enemy of relationship

Interpersonal relationships and communication are what keeps the world going round. Never had I understood the development of teenagers into adulthood until my eldest son had an argument with his stepdad. The argument was 3 whole minutes long, with both stomping away.

Going to soothe the feathers of each,  my son says to me...'I know that I have a short fuse and I will try in the future it not react but be quiet, listen and then speak if I need to'.

WOW...insightful and developing self-awareness. He also decided that he needed to go back and have the conversation again.

From the other side, instead of blaming the aging teenager, the comment came out that 'I didn't handle that very well did I?'. I did not need to answer, again, the self-aware stepdad came out and said he needed to listen to all of the words, and share all of the information, eliminating reaction and moving to understanding.

Off they go to try again. God love them for not giving up!

The GAP

Having lived my life with a fashion background, though some days you would never know it, today I surprised myself.


I was out shopping for my son who needed new shorts and is at that age where wants to dress like a young adult but the sizes do not yet match his body. So to the Gap I go...and they have cool shorts for him, in his size and on sale. Great. Mission accomplished.
Sure.....I walk by a store and see the perfect khaki skirt ....not too long...my legs are short, not too short...I want it to be professional, has a sheen, looks great and who is on the window as the spokesperson but Amber Mac! I think she is a fabulous Canadian woman on the go....smart, savvy, entrepreneurial and just super! So, because of her, and only because of her, do I walk into the store andimmediately buy the skirt. That's it, that's all.

Now you are thinking, what does this have to do with life? Well, I never thought I would fall for the 'right' spokesperson for the product. I just believed that after 40 some years of life, this would have moved past me. Never take for granted the influences that are around you and how they may resonate with you in more ways than one.

Now....off to see how the shorts fit....or am I in for another trip to the store.

People Can Handle More Than You Think

One of the things I have recently understood is that guilt comes in all forms.
It manifests itself in your actions, your words and the elimination of your power. Sometimes this is simply giving your power up or away.
I found that when I release this guilt - whether it's rational or irrational- I am left feeling lighter and my approach to life and all the situations that arise is much different, more positive, calmer and more open to accepting what is coming my way.


So I have decided to let others take on a few of the things that I believed only I could do.

Imagine, they can actually do it and they actually do it well. It gives me time to do what I need to do and I don't feel guilty about letting someone else handle things.
So is it perfect?
Is it the way I would do it?
Probably not, but I don't stand and watch either, because then I should just do it myself.
I have decided get over myself and let go of a few things.
It's good to realize there are others who can help.
And that they can handle more than we give them credit for.

Attract What You Want

You have heard of this, I am sure.
There are books, public speakers, DVDs, downloads and more on the subject. Do you think it works? Do you believe that we all emit vibrations and the level of vibrations attract others to us because they are at our level?
Or do you believe this works with money, or love?


I am still learning, and have started to realize that it is true.

Positive attracts positive.

Someone once told me it was like tuning forks - when one vibrates on it's key, if another one is nearby, of the same key, it will vibrate too.  Very interesting how the universe works.

Tapping to an Improved Me

Every now and again I want to try something new.
I guess you may say that I am open to learning just about anything. So when a connection offered me the opportunity to try tapping I did.
And much to my surpirise, after my car accident, I no longer had a headache because, through tapping, I was able to release the points I was holding onto about the accident. The anger, the fear, the disruption of my life melted away and allowed my body to heal as I let the trauma go. I have not had a headache since.


Needless to say, I went back to another workshop, this time 6 weeks long, and found that I had a lot of other things to let go of that were holding me back and causing unnecessary stress.

Please, if you suffer from stress at all, check out my friend (you get close doing this, so you need to be open to everything that comes your way), Frances Soda and her website http://www.tap-eft.net/. Her story is great, her work is amazing.....and she is in it for you. To teach you and to help you heal, to eliminate blocks that cause you stress and provide you with tools you can use for a lifetime.

Lesson from a Workshop

It was an easy lesson, and I thank the group for leading us there

'it is not my business what anyone else thinks of me'

You know how hard that hit home? I almost fell off my chair.
Life is so much easier to live when you figure that out!
Be true to you!

Life is Good

You never know what you can do until life puts you into situations that you never expected.
The last two weeks I have been completely off track - in life, in business, in routine.  My spouse had a minor surgery that turned into a major surgery.  He's doing very well recovering - thank goodness and all the powers that be.  Not easy, but definitely a learning experience that ends by me saying that 'Life is Good'.

After all - the lessons along the way have been incredible:

1. you are never given more than you can handle  - thought that I couldn't deal with juggling a packed schedule, 2 kids, doctors appointments and more...guess what?  I did!
2. learned about medication and it's influences - meds can do strange things to people, so point it out, get it corrected (with new meds or no meds) and move on
3. kids can feel and see everything - being kind always, providing love and removing toxic energy makes a huge difference and they emulate what you do
4. your limits are only where you set them - never thought I could handle bandages, scars and the rest - not much of an issue anymore because it helps me to help him
5. time is not limitless - waiting for a 45 minute surgery after 3 hours, I knew that something was on the wrong track but not exactly sure how bad it really was - with the doctor's patient and thorough explanation, I discovered that the surgery needed to be this way because of circumstance and that full recovery would take place....in the meantime, and again later, when I was on my own for a few minutes, I was able to count my blessings and be thankful for my time with my spouse.

Life is GOOD!  Life throws all kinds of opportunities or challenges at us.  We can cower or be courageous.  We can bend or roll with it.  We can hide or run.  Whichever path you choose, it is your - take the lessons for what they are worth and make your Life Good!

Building Together

Let’s get it all done and get it done now! We are renovating our basement. It is currently a huge room where all the lights are on one switch, everyone is talking or playing over each other and it is not cozy at all. So my husband delivers his plans to me – we go down the stairs and he walks me through what he would like. Together we share ideas and it’s really quite fun. And no sooner do we have the ideas down and collaborated, that he already has a schedule developed and a plan for implementation. I cannot believe it. It is not a one weekend project – definitely at least a few months so that we can work through the expenses at the same time as living life with all the surprises it can provide. I am really impressed at how he has it down, one piece at a time. And so logically. And he wants to do some of the work himself – just like him- handy and helpful and resourceful.


Truly, I am impressed. And I learned that he definitely has a talent for planning. Now I ask him to listen when I plan out a project so that he can help me see any blips along the way. The focus is always, one piece at a time. Progress with consistent results. One piece at a time.

This theme keeps coming back to me - how about you?