How to Cope with Anything

Looking at life there are many opportunities to dwell in misfortune, misunderstanding and pain. Usually at the centre of all of this strife is the fact that we feel we cannot cope with what is taking place around it.


Well, here goes. Take Control. (I don't usually get too spiritual but I truly believe that you are never given more than you can handle by the universe or then powers driving it) At the very least this gives us the ability to cope, and here is how:

1-believe in yourself, you can get through it
2-care about yourself, make decisions that align with your values
3-have courage. Risks are not easy; taking on new challenges, wading through tough times takes courage. Dig within yourself to find it. It is there.
4-realize your worthiness. You have been put on earth for a reason, you are worthy of the successes and celebrations that will cross your path. Celebrate! Be successful! Get through the hard times and move forward.

You can do it! Take control. Surprise the universe, and yourself!

Relationships: Connect, Build, Maintain

Relationships Come In All Forms

Relationships are the single best way of doing business today and even simply getting to know the people in your community. You can connect on many of the social media sites, Google someone; find out all the details about anyone before you even meet them! So imagine the power of understanding how to build a relationship.

Relationships are work and not to be taken lightly. A relationship is a commitment. You are committing to getting to know someone, and letting them into your life as well. No longer is a relationship strictly about a transaction in the world of business. A relationship implies trust, confidence and an understanding of the individuals as a people with lives.

Relationships start as a contact, move to become a connection and then build into a bridge that you can maintain. How does all of this work?

Think back to the last time you met someone interesting that you wanted to get to know better. Perhaps you were introduced by a mutual friend or business associate, even family member. You probably shook hands, introduced yourself and talked a little about what each other does in life – home life, work life, community life. This was the beginning of the connection.

Why did you want to meet that individual? Did they know something you wanted to learn, or was there the possibility to do business together? Was there potential for making a friend?

What steps did you take before meeting them? Any research on LinkedIn, a Google-search, ask questions of mutual connections, find them on Twitter (@linxcoach)? Did you formulate a list of questions you wanted to ask? Interesting that now we can actually investigate our new relationships before we even start them. This same investigation can lead to an understanding about if we want to continue to build a relationship before we even start.

Now that you have made contact and gotten to know them, they are a connection. You feel a better level of comfort communicating with this new person in your life. How does this move to a full-scale relationship? By working on staying in touch, learning about each other, you can maintain the relationship and make it last ass long as you both would like.

Communication is key. Listening, talking, reading body language, asking more questions, genuinely being concerned and caring in all your discussions. Giving and getting feedback is also part of the communication process, helping to strengthen a relationship even when the feedback may be hard to give or take, and implement. The highest compliment you can pay is to implement the feedback and ask for more. This is showing your new connection that you trust and respect their judgement and are thanking them for caring about you. This is building new layers into the relationship that creates bond for the future.

Relationships take time and are worth the human connection and love we feel in return. Not love in the emotional, I-want- to -marry-you sense, but love in the sense that you are cared for, and others are interested in your well-being, the relationship is built from the heart. These bonds can become hard to break. These bonds can also lead to a variety of relationship links that could help you find a new job, become involved in a community endeavour, help you through a crisis, extend partnerships for business deals in new directions.

Never take a relationship for granted. It can disappear before you know it without maintenance, and that could be when you need it most.

Live Brightly

Life is busy. Life hands you many opportunities. Life can feel like it is spinning out of control. What to do?

Stand up and say 'I have choices'. I can decide to make life slow down so that I can enjoy my time, make good decisions, and think things through. I can decide to have a good day or a bad day. I can decide who will affect my attitude positively or negatively. It's up to me.

Live brightly. Making the decision to live by making choices can be the hard part. It can be easy to wallow in complacency, to not look further than where I am now, to not try to be better. I think of this as living in a grey, dull, unilluminated world. But to choose to 'live brightly', by making solid choices that move me forward is risky.

Living brightly is a challenge and new perspective.

To live brightly is to live in colour-vibrant, outrageous, reverberating, loud, magnificent colour!

What exactly is living brightly? Its honest decisions, creating good habits, being open-minded to new things/ideas/experiences, looking for the good instead of the worst. Being honest with myself, practicing changes, following my instincts, not second-guessing is living brightly.

Living brightly is a conscious decision to move forward, to stretch, to grow, to be at peace with yourself and the world around you. Go. Live Brightly. Live in full color to enjoy your choices and be fully present in the colorful world around you. I am.

Want, Can, Will

Which one is it? Or is it all three?



Energy is a choice for your physiology, just like attitude is a choice for your state of mind. Put them both together and be surprised at what you get!

Looking inside yourself to find put which way you respond to most questions or concerns, which state of mind are you in?


Is it the want state of mind? The state or thoughts that say to you, it's all about me? I can do it because it will make an impact on my life, a difference to me? Want is the ability to do something, that you will feel complete or reach a success point if it is done.


Can focuses on ability. You are able to do something. It does not necessarily mean you want to (have a desire to) do it, or that you will be active in accomplishing that task, but you are able, capable.


Will really is action, a verb. Taking control and making a statement that you intend to jump into action and get to it.
In order to become a leader, an empowering and innovative leader, you need to be in all three states to get to the end result. You need the desire, the capability and the effort to turn words into action. As a leader you can see that this could be within yourself, or within your team, or any combination of the team and yourself. Smart leaders surround enslaves with people, who possess the want, can and will philosophy. That way, different levels of each state will create a whole effort that can capitalize on execution and reach higher than expected potential.

So which one is it? Want, can or will? Or is it all three? Think about this next time you tackle a project, a conflict or a task. You will see where you need to grow or change to make it all work out to the results you want.

Unclutter Your Life

Life should be easy, wing it, un-plan it.

Imagine your home or your favorite space. Is everything in its place all the time? Drawers and shelves neatly lined up? Your closet color coded or set up by e season, shoes all in a row or in boxes? Or is your space a jumbled mess of papers, sticky notes, clothes, hangers, socks, books, stuff everywhere? Do you have a favorite drawer where everything seems to land, to be sorted only when you need something (desperately) from that space?


Not easy to face up to what your space looks like is it? Now compare this to your life. Is it cluttered? Or is every minute of your day assigned and orderly. Is the clutter in your life all negative influences or experiences that need to be removed or realigned so they do not interfere with your everyday life. You can realign the clutter that exists by putting it on different shelves, in drawers or even in the garbage can -get it out of our minds completely, send it away.


Clutter. Our lives are full of it. Why do we hang on to things (or people) that clutter our lives? Clutter is the person who calls just to talk even though they know you are at work and you cannot get rid of them. Clutter is the event you have to go to because someone else committed you to it. Clutter is the stack of books and magazines in the corner that you told yourself you needed to read them but cannot find the time. Clutter is the argument that keeps coming up between you and your spouse. Clutter is the relationship you have outgrown and keep up with because it is a habit.


Wow. That is a great deal of clutter. And imagine what clutter would look like if we looked at our work life through this lens?

How do we get rid of clutter? It's a decision. Not an easy one, to determine which clutter needs to go, and perhaps, which clutter needs to be put on a shelf or in a drawer for later use.

Deciphering the clutter is a very personal task. Which clutter do you want to keep but simply move? What clutter just needs to go away? What clutter are you happy with having around you? See, life should be easy, and easy to wing it, so to speak.


Try this. Upland your life just a little. Make a list of the clutter. (you are saying un-plan but you are making me do work, well, you need to get to the 'un-plannable' state by being able to work through the clutter and sort out what is in the way, then you will be able to give yourself a fresh start and a new routine which will take 21 days to build into a habit.)
Next to each clutter point, put an A next to the clutter that needs to go away. Put a B next to the clutter that you want to keep. Put a C next to the clutter that you may simply need to reallocate.


Work the keep or B list first. Go through each one and determine if it has a positive or negative effect on your life, work, and peace of mind. If it truly is a keeper, check it off. If not, use one of the other letters, A or C, to redefine it.


Work the A list next. If it needs to go away decide what you are going to do with it. Is it a relationship that needs to end? What are the steps, though difficult, that you will take to resolve the relationship. Could it be as simple as avoiding all contact, or eliminating all contact, or having a conversation with the person stating the facts about why the relationship will be changing? Is it old clothing sitting in the closet that you think you may fit into again? Easy, send it to a clothing recycler-Goodwill, consignment or the local church. Go through each A list item and plan the steps. Then do the steps to get rid of the clutter.

Lastly, work on the C list. The clutter that needs to be reallocated. Go one by one through each item and note where you will be reallocating the items on the list. For example, if it is a daily phone call with mom that always gets into the middle of your morning, let her know what your morning schedule is and would it work to relocate the meeting time. Or, if it is an event that you have been committed to, let go of some of the responsibilities by delegating to others.

Not yet mentioned are those little items that just seem to crop up. Say NO. Be strong...unless you want to!

You will need to complete the ABC exercise with items as well as relationships and your schedule.

Your life has just become a little more unplanned, open to change. You will find yourself more relaxed, at peace and full of energy. Try it!

Stakes versus Steaks

Stakes or Steaks?

I planted a garden this year, for the first time.  We often have our young nieces and nephews visit and they are enthralled with the idea of a garden, dirt, growing things.  Early in the summer, I had just put wooden stakes near the tomato plants to hold them up.  One of our young visitors asked which plants were the tomato plants.  I said "the ones with the stakes."  Our visitor ran to the garden to have a look.  After a few minutes he came back to see me on the deck and said "I don't see any meat out there, which ones are the tomatoes?". His mom and I spent time with him showing him the tomatoes and also discussing words that are spelled differently and sound alike.  By the end, he was laughing at what he had said.  He could actually picture the meat.

Lesson 1:  vocabulary is important, use age-appropriate words

Lesson 2:  the young ones keep us youthful, laughing and happy

Lesson 3:  cherish every minute of life

Life Lessons from a Dental Hygenist

I don't know about you, but I have never been fond of going to the dentist.  In fact, so not-fond, that I did not go for years...until I could no longer eat on one side of my mouth because of a sensitive tooth!

I bit the bullet- so to speak - and headed to a nice, new dental office in my new hometown.  They quickly fit me in to see the dentist, who was very nice even though I was so nervous that I tears ran down my face the entire time I was there.  After he diagnosed my issue, and set me up for cleaning (uggghhhh!!!) and deep scaling (!!@#@!$), I booked another appointment for the next day.  I was pretty proud of myself.

So the next day, I headed in to meet with the dental hygenist - let's call her K.  She was the sweetest, kindest person I have ever met.  I apologized to her for my nervous state and of course the tears.  K developed a plan to complete a quarter of my mouth at a time so that I would not have to endure the pain and stress for a long period of time.  She was helpful, educational, talked me through each step and let me hold the suction tube so that I felt like I had some control over the procedure.

We got through 1/4 of my mouth after numbing and freezing...I had to book another appointment to do the next section.  The office was placing bets to see if I would actually show up to do the next section.  I did!!!  And I was not tearful this time, just nervous.  But we got through it together.  K kept up a steady stream of one-sided conversation because it is tough to answer when her hand was in my mouth.  K also made sure that if I needed freezing or a break, we would take it.

Needless to say, after 2 more visits, and the purchase of a Water-Pik, I am now in a better position both mentally and physically.  If it weren't for the kindness of K, I never would have gone back.

Life Lessons: 

• while there are scary things to do in life, we need to do them and will be better for them
• people come into your life to get you through things and teach you along the way
• be grateful for kindness and pay it forward
• there are special people in the world, sometimes you find them, sometimes they find you!

Thanks K :)