Measure Everything

Are you one of those people who measures everything?  Follows the recipe exactly...never tweaks or tries it in a different way?  That is pretty rigid.  I have a tough time with all that order.  I like to experiment with new things, test, try, tweak.  It doesn't always work but the road was interesting.
Come on...it's the lazy days of summer - try something new!  You don't need to measure everything against something else (well, unless your job depends on it...I get financial metrics and all that - I don't tweak those very often!)
Here are a few examples:
.....I make the choice on which events to attend based on my needs/objectives, not just because everyone else is going
....my kids ask me for my crock-pot ribs and they never come out the same twice - I kind of wing it with the sauces
....decorating my house is with what I like and the textures/feelings that appeal to me...not what the magazines say
...I develop my relationships based on the alignment of values and not on the fact that I should have a deep relationship with someone because we are actually related

So try it.  Stop measuring everything!  It makes life easier....and life will be more fun if you stop doling it out of a measuring cup!

The Book of Awesome

    Think about the things in life that happen and that sail right by us.  If you have a chance to pick up some light summer reading, check out The Book of Awesome.  It will make you take a quick time out to appreciate what is happening around you, even small objects and ideas or words and why they are awesome.  It is a fabulous approach to life!

Listening is Hard

You need to change.  You need to do something different to get out of your rut.  You are not sure what to do, yet, you know it's something.  So you start to look around and see what everyone else is doing.
You start considering  - will this work for me?  Will I like this?  What's in it for me?
Just like listening to a lecture or being in the classroom or boardroom, we choose to listen with the ME in the way.  This is wasting MY time.  This is a pain in MY xuwqgr###.  This is not helping ME at all.
Next time you start to do this pause. 
Count to 10 (or spin around 3 times, that's what I do with my nephew when I want him to adjust his attitude- we physically adjust it).
Now, put yourself on your own shoulder and listen without the ME - listen with an open heart and open mind.  Hear the words and not interpret the intention.  Listen and give credit to the voice.  You may find that way out of your rut.  You may something that interests you.  You may find that change you are looking for simply by listening.

The Step Relationship

I have written about this relationship before because it has had a profound effect on my family.  Not only do my kids have a step-dad with whom they live, they also have a step-mom (they never see because they live across the country).  These types of relationships can be hard to handle if there is not an open dialogue and communication where people feel safe to discuss life.  We have been through many...there is another bog for that!  But though our experience is as unique as we are, there are some similar threads that will run through most situations.

I was asked recently by a friend who is getting married, how the 'step' relationship works.  I asked my husband - the step-dad - to answer.
He said a few great things:

• always have time together with the kids, this way they learn about your trust and relationship and see that interaction is easy
• as the 'step' he is not responsible for discipline - that is my job. It is too much pressure for the start of a new type of relationship to be the disciplinarian too - it sends mixed messages.  (Now that this relationship is in its 10th year, there have been some changes in this, but not much....discipline is deferred to me, although he always gets his say in the process)
• kids are smart!  No matter what age, they realize that this is new and that there is insecurity and they may even try to pit you against each other.  Take the moment and discuss the matter in private before handling it together with the child.

I thought this was good information coming from experience.  Hope that it helps my friend (and You) navigate these somewhat trecherous waters.

Peace of Heaven

Here is what summer looked like in our old home in Burlington Ontario.  We lived on a fabulous green-space with a great pool that we loved.  Even though we had a road close by, we thought of our back yard as a our little heaven.

Two years ago, we moved due to a job change.  We ended up moving close to our families and bought a house with another pool.  This time, there is no road nearby and we have both 'peace' and 'heaven'.

When all the disctractions of life and family and siblings comes into play, we have our place to escape - our own backyard - with a little garden (I am growing corn this year), the pool, of course, a fire-pit for late nite entertaining.....and it's all on an 'if-we-want-to' basis. 

When we lived away from the family, they would come to visit on the weekends - the house and the pool full pretty well every weekend in the summer.  That was fun!  During the week, my husband and I would find our 'peace' after work - with dinner and a glass of wine on the deck, a nice swim and great conversation - sometimes just us, many times with other friends that would pop in.  But it was peaceful.  And we found our time to connect and talk and grow together.  This was probably the best time to form our deep bonds and create the foundation for the relationship and life we live today.

Now, with family so close, I tried to replicate the weekends when we lived far away.  This was a huge mistake!  I felt exhausted and unappreciated.  So did my husband.  Now, we have gone back to the focus on our family and our space.  Sure, we participate in family events.  We also host events with our friends and even colleauges - to a different effect and a different result.  Things change - but peace and our heaven will not.

Reaction - the enemy of relationship

Interpersonal relationships and communication are what keeps the world going round. Never had I understood the development of teenagers into adulthood until my eldest son had an argument with his stepdad. The argument was 3 whole minutes long, with both stomping away.

Going to soothe the feathers of each,  my son says to me...'I know that I have a short fuse and I will try in the future it not react but be quiet, listen and then speak if I need to'.

WOW...insightful and developing self-awareness. He also decided that he needed to go back and have the conversation again.

From the other side, instead of blaming the aging teenager, the comment came out that 'I didn't handle that very well did I?'. I did not need to answer, again, the self-aware stepdad came out and said he needed to listen to all of the words, and share all of the information, eliminating reaction and moving to understanding.

Off they go to try again. God love them for not giving up!

The GAP

Having lived my life with a fashion background, though some days you would never know it, today I surprised myself.


I was out shopping for my son who needed new shorts and is at that age where wants to dress like a young adult but the sizes do not yet match his body. So to the Gap I go...and they have cool shorts for him, in his size and on sale. Great. Mission accomplished.
Sure.....I walk by a store and see the perfect khaki skirt ....not too long...my legs are short, not too short...I want it to be professional, has a sheen, looks great and who is on the window as the spokesperson but Amber Mac! I think she is a fabulous Canadian woman on the go....smart, savvy, entrepreneurial and just super! So, because of her, and only because of her, do I walk into the store andimmediately buy the skirt. That's it, that's all.

Now you are thinking, what does this have to do with life? Well, I never thought I would fall for the 'right' spokesperson for the product. I just believed that after 40 some years of life, this would have moved past me. Never take for granted the influences that are around you and how they may resonate with you in more ways than one.

Now....off to see how the shorts fit....or am I in for another trip to the store.